Hoju

hoju3942 @ 2007-04-13T00:00:00

2007-04-13T04:09:50Z

Watching the last act of 2001: A Space Odyssey to Pink Floyd's Echoes is great fun. You should try it.

hoju3942 @ 2007-01-09T23:50:00

2007-01-10T04:51:01Z

I can die a happy man.

http://alderaanshotfirst.ytmnd.com/

My life's work is finished.

The year is 2262

2006-12-13T01:08:16Z

Call me a dork all you want, but I finished Babylon 5 last night at Rich's house at 2 AM. I was completely moved by everything. I'm not gonna go into any kind of details because

A) You don't care
and
B) It's too much to write!

Needless to say, Babylon 5 is right now my favorite televsion show of all time, excluding Eva, but that's a given. I'm also inspired now to watch other TV dramas instead of just the same cartoons over and over, which I will still do, but even right now, I'm watching The Lost Room. I plan on watching Firefly, Battlestar Galactica, some other stuff... I had forgotten how good it feels to watch the last episode of a show you had put so much time and effort and emotion into watching. Anyway, I suggest Babylon 5, but be warned that it is dorkier than Star Trek, despite its realism. For instance, a ship going INTO hyperspace enters an orange wormhole, while a ship EXITING hyperspace leaves through a blue wormhole. Dopplar! Also, the station itself spins to produce centripidal force to create gravity. Etc etc etc. Oh, also, depending on the atmosphere inside a ship, when it explodes, the explosion is a different color.

Man, what a great show. Thank you, Rich.

hoju3942 @ 2006-11-30T01:53:00

2006-11-30T05:53:30Z

Haven't posted in a while, meh. Just watched The Crow for the first time with Rich and Alex. Jokes were made a plenty, despite how good of a movie it is. I finished the book about a half hour before invading Rich's house and forcing him quite against his will to watch his own copy.

We made up the follow Crows:

- Abe Lincoln
- Jesus
- Captain Jean Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise

In his sketchbook, Alex basically drew these characters of fiction and gave them the Crow makeup. Humorour! I hope he posts them to his LJ, they are quite the fancy-tickler.

hoju3942 @ 2006-09-03T01:22:00

2006-09-03T05:22:35Z

After watching most of Dune today, I need this as a bumper sticker.

"My other car is a Guild Liner."

hoju3942 @ 2006-09-01T13:51:00

2006-09-01T17:51:35Z

Cape Cod was nice. :)

Real-Sounding Pokemon names me and Joe came up with the other night.

- Skinflute
- Spearow Agnew
- Hezbollah
- Menopause
- Sars

Feel free to add your own Fake Pokemon (c)2006.

to the tune of Always a Woman

2006-08-26T05:03:00Z

She revolves like a trans-Neptunian dwarf planet or satelite with an eccentric orbit similar to that of Charon or UB313, Nix, or Hydra, and with about 18% the mass of Earth

But she's always a planet discovered in 1930 called Pluto by some little girl,

To meeeeee....

hoju3942 @ 2006-08-03T23:31:00

2006-08-04T03:31:38Z

Well, it's been a long summer for me, thus far, physically and emotionally. S'all good though. I'm going to Cape Cod in two weeks, I asked a girl out the other day, and I started reading comic books. Things are finally starting to look up, I think. :)

More importantly, euphemisms for crapping I came up with in the past two months:

"It sounded like a shotgun going off under water!"

"It sounded like ripping a wet newspaper in half!"

"New England Clam Chyowdah!"

"It's like the Cold War is in my ass, and the Ruskies just let fly with the nukes!"

"It felt like I was shitting out a human head, but it got caught up on the brain pan so just the jaw came out!"

Try eating cereal while thinking about that last one.

hoju3942 @ 2006-06-13T22:51:00

2006-06-14T02:52:10Z

My how things change in a week.

hoju3942 @ 2006-06-06T02:21:00

2006-06-06T06:22:38Z

Things sure can change in a month, yes? DC was a very cool trip. I love the Metro. It's like going into the future, but it only costs a dollar.

hoju3942 @ 2006-05-06T02:00:00

2006-05-06T06:01:10Z

I suddenly have this craving to watch 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Great dork news!

2006-05-01T07:13:52Z

This dorkiness is actually a very artistic and visionary bit of news. The other day I finished listening to the audiobook of A Wizard of Earthsea, by Ursula K. Le Guin, and realized how truly wonderful the book is. The first time I'd read it, I enjoyed it, but hearing it again for a second time really made the messages sink into place and I can't wait to reread them all again.

So after I finished listening to it, I went to imdb.com and looked up the miniseries that came out last year, that absolutely butchered the books. The characters were all white instead of brown like in the books, changed major/minor characters, etc... Destroyed a classic, basically. Then I see a link that another adaption has been made and is awaiting release. Who is the direct, you may ask?

Hayao Miyazaki.

I watched the trailer for it (comes out in July in Japan) and despite that fact that the characters are white still, it looks infinitely more loyal to the original vision of Le Guin's books. The pieces are all in place, the settings look gorgeous, the design is very true, the one song that plays in the trailer is absolutely gorgeous to listen to, etc etc etc... So many things look right with this that were wrong with the American miniseries. Hearing about this has really inspired me more to get back into drawing and painting. I still cannot do it for a living, but I have been doodling and daydreaming more and more lately, and that is always a good thing.

And then at the opposite end of the fiction spectrum, I am reading Starship Troopers and that has got me drawing again too, the powered armor they wear are such a nerds fantasy.

For example, this is pretty close to how they are described in the book:

http://fs6.deviantart.com/i/2005/041/9/5/Starship_Troopers_preliminary_by_rubendevela.jpg

Hopefully anybody that wants to can see that, because it is an incredible picture. Kudos to the artist, brava, and soforth.

Also good news is that the trip to Washington DC to see Brian's graduation is in a few weeks, and DC is such a cool town, very fun place to be. The subway there is so cool looking. WAY better than the NYC ones. Clean and warmly lit. It looks like something out of a Heinlein novel, anyway.

Then even better news, Cape Cod trip confirmed! Mid-August, I cannot wait!

I think that's all, besides that Ryan is back to work after using up all his sick and vacation days because his foot is broken, it is good to have him back. Za ha ha ha.

Also, beat Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes, and am currently engrossed with Knights of the Old Republic II.

Ah, life is good, and this was boring to anybody but me. Also, happy birthday Alex! Phew, almost forgot. Whatever, he does not have an LJ anyway, hah.

hoju3942 @ 2006-04-17T00:17:00

2006-04-17T04:20:40Z

Happy Easter and all that jazz! I forget what was in my last post besides that book passage, but also congrats to everybody who did anything in Java Jive! Rockin'. Mr. Reid should come out with a CD, I am not kidding. Even if only for students and those of other such stature.

Went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art on Wednesday, it was gorgeous. I can't try to describe anything that was there, you just have to go for yourself. I wish I could get to museums more often, they are so inspiring. I respect the church a lot more after seeing so much of the medieval and Ren. art. Gorgeous. Takes all kinds, I guess.

I started, read, and finished The Da Vinci Code. It was a lot of fun. Not the best book in the universe, but definitely a good read. Now I am on Crypotonomicon, which is retardedly long, but very interesting. I am going to give it a hundred pages or so to decide if I am going to read it on one fell swoop or if I'll seperate it into large chunks and read smaller books in betwixt.

I'm out of banter, happy Easter!

hoju3942 @ 2006-03-20T15:46:00

2006-03-20T20:56:46Z

"By the third year at Kathhad Havzhiva knew a great many things that distressed him. The old knowledge had been difficult but not distressing. It had been all paradox and myth, and it had made sense. The new knowledge was all fact and reason, and it made no sense.

For instance, he knew now that historians did not study history. No human mind could encompass the history of Hain: three million years of it. The events of the first two million years, the Fore-Eras, like layers of metamorphic rock, were so compressed, so distorted by the weight of the succeeding millennia and their infinite events that one could reconstruct only the most sweeping generalities from the tiny surviving details. And if one did chance to find some miraculously preserved document from a thousdand millennia ago, what then? A king ruled in Azbahan; the Empire fell to the Infidels; a fusion rocket has landed on Ve... but there had been uncountable kings, empires, inventions, billions of lives lived in millions of countries, monarchies, democracies, oligarchies, anarchies, ages of chaos and ages of order, pantheon upon pantheon of gods, infinite wars and times of peace, incessant discoviered and forgettings, innumberable horrors and triumphs, and endless repetition of unceasing novelty. What is the use trying to describe the flowing of a river at any moment, and then at the next moment, and then at the next, and the next, and the next? You wear out. You say: There is a great river, and it flows through this land, and we have named it History.

To Havzhiva the knowledge that his life, any life was one flicker of light for one moment on the surface of that river was sometimes distressing, sometimes restful."

Man, I am liking the book I am reading! Take that, crappy other sci-fi!

Also, Happy Belated Saint Patrick's Day! Hope everybody's blood alcohol level is back to the legal limit!

Also, Damn Yankees was great! Congrats to everybody involved!

hoju3942 @ 2006-03-06T11:50:00

2006-03-06T16:58:02Z

Jack Nicholson: "And the award for Worst Oscar Jokes goes to... Bachor and Joe, get up here you crazy coots!"

Hoju3942: Episode III had BETTER get the aware for best Star Wars Related Film this year.
Meh4354: sorry, that went to march of the penguins

Meh4354: it went to brokeback mountain
Hoju3942: Haaaaaaha, best gay performace goes to...
Hoju3942: Anakin Skywalker, get up here!
Meh4354: goes to... C-3P0
Hoju3942: Goes to... Joe's rectal sphincter.
Meh4354: goes to.. bachors hand
Hoju3942: Goes to...
Hoju3942: Joe's teeth
Meh4354: goes to - bachors goatee

Meh4354:
"Judy Dench took my eye out in a bar fight!"

Hoju3942: He totally said "I'd like to shank my wife"
Meh4354: a noble sentament

Meh4354: dude i forgot the trilogy at home again
Hoju3942: Dude, the Trilogy ran off with another geek.
Hoju3942: I'm sorry, I didn't know how to tell you.
Meh4354: hah that was fast

Meh4354: 'they call me mr pibb

Meh4354: oh bachor
Meh4354: i wish i could quit u

Hoju3942: Selma Hayak's tits influence the tides.
Meh4354: yea but shes talkin chinese or somethin
Hoju3942: She's not as white as us, she must be Chinese. It all makes sense now...
Meh4354: yup
Meh4354: the levels are 'white, chinese, drug dealer, and slave'
Hoju3942: No, the levels are "white, chinese/drug dealer/slave"
Meh4354: haha
Hoju3942: Itsoc Perlman is emo.
Meh4354: the levels are 'makes money, makes pizza, makes fried chicken'
Meh4354: haha
Meh4354: hes fat too

Meh4354: if i had a hispanic last name, id just make myself a colonel
Hoju3942: If my last name was Cortez, I'd kill all the Incans.
Meh4354: knew the risks, put on the loincloth

Meh4354: bad jessica alba! get back in the kitchen!

Hoju3942: For the "Wins Because It's Peter Jackson, It Doesn't Matter, Everybody Loves That Guy" award
Meh4354: for the 'nobody likes you, micheal moore'

Hoju3942: Linsay Lohan looks like she's gonig to collapse in on herself, if they show her again
Meh4354: she will anyway
Hoju3942: If a Linsay Lohan collapses in on her herself from a lack of muscle and fat tissue in the Oscars, but everybody is looking at Peter Jackson anyway, does Linsay Lohan collapse in on her sefl?

Meh4354: stupid old people and thier altzhiemers
Hoju3942: What the hell are they getting at, those old coots
Meh4354: i have no fucking clue
Meh4354: i think they just wandered onstage
Hoju3942: And then they complained that Tony Hawk was skate boarding on the stairs
Meh4354: damn young people
Hoju3942: Hahah, he's like 37.
Meh4354: MASH, hilarious

Hoju3942: "Where am I"
Meh4354: 'you young whippersnappers'
Hoju3942: "I'm on a clock, I've got to get the after-Oscar ether frolick down the lane"
Meh4354: 'oops i crapped my pants'
Meh4354: *he drops dead*

Meh4354: i tuned out for about an hour, wat happened
Hoju3942: Brokeback Mountain and Memoirs of a Geisha had butt sex.
Meh4354: they do that
Meh4354: sweet, robot chicken is on

The Oscars Unto Death, And...

2006-03-06T14:24:45Z

^Terrible joke

Awesome, only 350 mores days til I'm 21 and can legally go "Nah, I'll just get a Dr. Pepper/root beer." And then, like in a PSA, they will FORCE me to drink. I recieved the Star Wars box, which is always good. Me and Joe while watching it simply quoted it and made every obscure reference imaginable. Thanks to everybody that came over on my birthday, was muchly appreciated. :D

Bjork was in my store, I told her the information desk is not a register.

After Crash won Best Motion Picture, Brokeback Mountain and Memoirs of a Geisha had butt sex.

Oh well, I'm forgetting a lot of stuff, but screw ye. It's only 9:30 in the AM. I'm supposed to be asleep right now. Also, now I want to see Walk the Line even more. And Brokeback Mountain.

hoju3942 @ 2006-02-11T10:25:00

2006-02-11T15:25:39Z

"Learning what you know about black people from Craig is like learning what you know about cars from Knight Rider."

hoju3942 @ 2006-02-10T00:45:00

2006-02-10T05:46:06Z

Also, I want a pony.

hoju3942 @ 2006-02-10T00:35:00

2006-02-10T05:42:21Z

Hey folks. I swear, I'll never ask this again. Promise. But my birthdays' comin' up, and I HATE to ask for things for something that isn't Christmas. But I want a copy of Chrono Trigger for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, circa 1995. Somethin' fierce. Would niggas be willing just to gimme like, 5 or 10 bucks if ye can spare? It costs like, 45 on eBay, that's usually the starting price. It's close to 200 for a copy in the box with the booklet and map and all, hah. I figure if like, 6 people gimme 5 bucks, I'd pay the rest of it of course, but it would be REALLY appreciated. It's one of my faves of all time, as seen on my previous post, heh. But sadly I do not have a copy. :( I have only played Johns, and the emulator. If not, it's all good. Just figured I'd toss that out there. 20-ness March 1st, woo!

Also, just noticed, doens't it look like my icon is taking a little poop? Teehee.

hoju3942 @ 2006-02-09T00:58:00

2006-02-09T06:11:46Z

Well, I got Knights of the Old Republic like, 2 weeks ago, and beat it today. Something like, 37 hours? I told Ryan at work today, he started laughing. "Dude, that's a work week." What a great game, seriously! I can't wait to get to the second one, but I still have other games I got for Christmas to go through first. Point in case, Shadow of the Colossus.

My balls have shriveled, died, and fallen off. That was the best game I've ever played, I think. This might be a premature assumption, but if not, then it's at least in my top 3 of all time. Including the good old SNES days. I have to play Ico now, because it is the same developers, and is supposed to be equally, if not more beautiful.

For those not in the know, meaning: Not Joe, Not Alex, and Not Danie:

Shadow of the Colossus is a video game with a very simple premise. You ride around on horseback, guided by your magic sword, to enemies the size of office blocks that lay across the dead countryside. When you find them, you must gain their attention, and find ways to climb up their bodies to their soft spots. Then using your magic sword, you kill them. There are 16 of them. They are huge. Some of them represent certain animals, such as bulls, horses, birds, dragons, several serpants, minotaurs, lions, and a few others I forget. The graphics are as near to perfect as the PS2 can handle, the music is increidbly well written. There is no dialogue until the end of the game when the plot is unveiled. Up until that point, you only fight and fight and fight, because at the beginning of the game, the gods "promise to bring your love back to you". She is dead, and you are not, and you have a magical sword. Simple enough task.

The thing that makes the game so perfect is the emotion that pours out of every godamn polygon. The landscape is so dead and lifeless, and you are there by yourself with your horse, trying to bring your only and true love back to life. And to do it you have to destroy these beautiful and majestic creatures of the earth, these titans that could easily crush you underfoot without even noticing. But you fucking kick their asses! I would buy a PS2 just to play this game if I didn't already have one, in all honesty. Or at least pull a Rich and buy the game and abuse friendship rights with somebody with a PS2. :P

Bottom line is that this game made me cry when I beat it. It's that good. It takes a lot for a video game to make a man cry. Well, not cry, but really godamn mistyeyed.

I still gotta do the Ico thing, finish Prince of Persia 2 eventually (it got pretty boring after they give you choices of which temples to go through, etc... too many hard enemis/puzzles, nothing to interest the player, though I'm sure that changes down the road), Metroid Prime 2 I have on the shelf, gotta get to that as well. And then, down the road. Knights of the Old Republic II. The first is not in the top 3, but certainly in the top 5. I guess right now I'll try to make a list of my favorite games, just to remember down the road. This is MY journal after all, isn't it? Get the hell off my internet.

- Shadow of the Colossus
- Chrono Trigger
- The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
- Final Fantasy VI (USIII)
- Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
- Grand Theft Auto

Alright, it's 6, but screw ye. I can't decide! I'm assuming Ico will be on there soon enough. I will have to make like, a Definitive Top Ten list, not too unlike the guy from High Fidelity. What a great book/movie. I wanst John Cussac's baby. If I spelt his last name right, that is.

*ten minutes later update* I forgot Halo, so it's like, what... ... ... 6 + 1... shit. Fuck, I know this one- seven! It's seven. Phew, that was close.

hoju3942 @ 2006-02-01T17:08:00

2006-02-01T22:13:03Z

Man, I'm just remebering... A few months ago I rented and watched the Sci-Fi miniseries of both Dune and Children of Dune. Amazing and true to the books as they both were? One big part was missing from Children.

The part where Leto runs around the desert after acquiring his new invincible body and killing people that get in his way. I remember that vividly in the book, he would just run up to a village, and start preaching. And if they tried to kill him or get him thrown out, he would just like, run up to the local governer and punch through his chest and spill his water on the sand. And he would just keep killing and destroying until they got the picture, then go on to the next population center. Oh man, and have the rumors of the 'desert demon' spreading throughout Alia's court! That would have rocked. Oh well, I guess you'd have to have read the book to get it. :P They could easily have made that sort of thing into the coolest montage EVER.

hoju3942 @ 2006-01-13T09:48:00

2006-01-13T14:54:59Z

Life is good. Been chilling with Joe a lot, which is good cuz I really haven't seen him much since the summer. Blechum. Getting a haircut today.

It's foggy outside. Real foggy. I'm gonna go get my haircut, then probably get a nice breakfast and some new work pants or shirt. Good times.

Planning to save up enough money to either go to Hawaii or Europe, maybe Asia for a couple of days/weeks. I need to get out of Rockland for a little while, just to refresh. Going to DC in May to be there for Brians graduation, can't wait! DC is such a cool city.

Also, I almost forgot about this room I want to design that I thought up while in Cape Cod in August. This room will have a thin layer of water on its floor, like a half inch or so, and will have light-paneled walls and floor, probaby blueish. It would be so relaxing. You just walk in barefoot and can sit and fall asleep. Of course it will have to have a large vertical window looking out on the ocean. The room would have to have a lip around the whole edge of it to keep the water in, but godamn. I would love to have a house that had a room like that. Poop.

Warning! Warning! Long winded post that is very not-like-me!!! Ye hath been warned.

2006-01-06T08:06:42Z

Warning! here be spoilers and existentialist mumbo-jumbo, the likes of which ye hath never seen!

Well, obligatory Evangelion post. I have not done one in many years. Me, John, and Fraunkque sat down New Years Day and watched the 1995 anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion, as well as Death, and End of Evangelion, in one sitting. And I realize, that apart from a few people in my life, best friends, family... Evangelion is something I can say that I love more than most everything else. To a dizzying degree. Bible-esque. Like, how die-hard religious folks put their texts on a greater meaning in their life? Mine is Eva. It has changed me in so many ways that I don't know what I'd be today if I had not seen it. Just like a bible or some other superficial and outward religious experience, I need to see Eva every once in a while to rekindle my faith not only in myself, but in my feeling and love of life.

I love Eva, as I love the people around me. Eva is like a friend to me, like how people think Jesus is their friend, but in a much more real way because I have the DVDs. :P Speaking of which, this time around we watched the cleaned-up Platinum DVDs instead of the originals. No more screen jitters or faded colors. Everything was clear and crisp and beautiful.

I keep trying to put into words how I feel about Eva, but it is not working. I wrote like, five paragraphs before this, but they all woudln't make sense to anybody else, so I deleted them. Instead I will just put down some of the more major scenes or places, and what they mean to me. Kind of like in elementary school, when you would have to do the same thing, but with places you've been or your favorite song: (note, any quotes are heavily paraphrased)

"If you're going to do it, do it now. If not, leave." - no explanation needed.

Unit 01 birthing itself out of Leliel. The black and white orb trembles then turns black, and a hand rips through it from the inside, and blood splatters all over the city. The music starts playing, and you see Unit 01's screaming head emerge, covered in blood. Cut to two mountains with the sun setting between them. Mother imagery. Man, O Man. Then of course Unit 01 landing in the street and ripping apart the pavement with its fall as blood rain covers the entire scene. "Am I piloting a thing like that?"

Toji sitting outside and staring at his hand, the same one that punched Shinji in the face in the second episode. Or was it third? Meh. Now they are friends, and Toji is also an Eva pilot, and he knows what its like for Shinji now. He still hasn't forgiven himself for hurting Shinji, even though Shinji forgave and forgot months ago.

When Unit 01 gets disabled by the infected Unit 03 (with Toji inside), and Shinji screams "I'd rather die than kill another!" and then 01 goes berserk and tears 03 limb from limb, and the whole time the NERV staff is horrified, while Gendo smiles and Shinji screams the whole time. Then of course when they pry open the entry plug and you see Toji on the screen, and Shinji just screams into the credits. So powerful.

Shinji talking to Kaji while Kaji waters his melons. Zeruel is destroying the entire base, and Kaji is all "Listen, all I can do is sit here and water my melons. But you. You can do something. You're the only one who can. But it's your choice." etc etc. Then the look on his face when he looks up and starts running. "Let me pilot it!" "Why." "Because I'm the pilot of Evangelion, Shinji Ikari!" *chills up spine* Way to manifest the root of your being, buddy. Then of course the ensuing fight, as Unit 01 dies, then wakes up again and tears apart Zereul and eats its flesh as it tries to resist, meaninglessly. Also, when 01s arm gets blown off and Gendo is essentially covered in his sons blood.

Skip to episode 24

*Kaworu humming Ode to Joy* That whole scene. Motherfucker.

"I don't believe it! I won't believe it! He's my friend! He hurt my feelings! He betrayed me..." *punches controls as Ode to Joy plays*

When Kaworu smiles at Shinji when he says "My life has meaning because I met you, Shinji. Thank you." If you've seen it, you know what comes next.

"He said he loved me. He was the first person in my life who said he loved me. And I killed him."
"He was weak, you deserved to survive, he made the wrong decision, and you are stronger for it."
"How can you be so cruel."

Instrumentality Begins. The regaining of what was lost has begun.
All minds will meld into one conscious being, the barrier between people will vanish, and there will be no pain.

(for those not in the know, the entire last two episodes take place within Shinji's head. The Human Instrumentality Project was engineered to meld all the minds of Humanity into one being, one soul, one thought, to dissolve all pain and hate, and finally complete Humanity's evolution. It is all very black-and-whate-photography-esque, with lots of fading colors, splotches, and text blaring across the screen in white on black. It is a beautiful thing.)

Why did you kill him?
He was the enemy!
Even though he was human?
He wasn't, he was an Angel! The enemy!
And so, you killed him.
Even though he was as human as you?
He wasn't human, he was an Angel!
And so, you killed him.
*cries*

Skip to episode 26. 'He is the Beast That Shouted "I" at the Heart of the World.'

We will now examine the case of the boy Shinji Ikari.

Why do you exist?
I don't know.

Do you hate pain?
I don't like it.

You can't just run away from reality.
What's wrong with running away from reality when it sucks?!
That's how everybody functions. That's how everybody survives.
You can't just take your happy memories and regurgitate them every time you feel sad.
Yes I can, there's nothing wrong with that.
I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away...

I'm afraid of being hated.
I'm afraid of the self that exists in others. I hate myself for it.
I'm afraid of what others think of me. To protect myself I build a wall around what I think of as myself to keep the pain and ridicule out.
But it does not work. The barriers between yourself and other define who you are, and without others you cannot exist. You see yourself in others, just as they see themselves in you. There a billion yous and a billion mes, and we are all afraid of what the other yous and mes are. You cannot love another until you know yourself, until you can see yourself living outside of what you depend upon, be it Eva, the wall you construct, your relationship, your parents, God, the pain you feed off of, the self hatred, etc... Whatever you cannot see yourself existing without. You must be free of it to a degree, you must imagine yourself changed as you would want it. Humans are not static beings, they change and grow and love and hate.

It is all literally, a matter of perspective.

You must be free of your anxiety, free of your hatred of others, free of disgust and pain, free of being latched down by your negative feelings. We all have them, we all must, but you must allow them not to govern your existence. And only you can allow that to happen. Only you are able to change your outlook. Only you can change the universe to your liking. Only you can change your relationships with people. Only you can love yourself. Only you can love others. Only you can love and hate, cry and laugh, live or die.

*they then show Shinji an existence of him and all his friends living happily in a world where Eva never happened, where Second Impact never occurred, his mother is still alive and well, he lives with his father, and Rei is a transfer student who is open and kind, but most importantly, Shinji fits in. He gets along with everyone and lives life instead of simply being alive*

"But I still hate myself. But what if I didn't. What if I was able to see myself as I want, what if I am able to live my life as I choose, not as is dicated by my hate or others. I could truly be happy. I am worth being here. I want to live!" *at this point I start sobbing like a baby* the chair which Shinji is sitting on vanishes, and with each sentence he says, the stage he is also on starts to shatter and fall apart, and soon as he realizes that free will is the greatest gift anybody could give to themselves, that life is what you make it, not what is made for you, the entire reality whirls away, leaving only a calm blue ground with all his friends and family clapping.

Congratulations!

"Thank you, everyone." *he is truly happy for the first time and smiles, and I cry for him*

Thank you to my father
Goodbye to my mother
And to all the children, congratulations!

*I cry uncontrollably, but I don't care. This is what made me who I am. This is why I dno't get angry. This is why when I love, I do it intensely and with no reservation, this is why I don't sweat the small stuff, or give a shit about most things. If I am in a ditch alone and hungry with no money or shoes on my feet, I will be able to think of Shinji and laugh, and love myself and life.

We actually did this out of order this time, we watched End of Evangelion first, which is as unorthodox as a Jew donating money to ... well, anything.

End of Evangelion:

Any scene with Asuka fighting the other Evas or the military, tearing them apart with her bare hands, screaming "Momma's watching over me! I won't lose to you bastards!" as she kills hundreds of people out of spite and pride and strength. But then she gets whats coming to her as the lance goes through her head. It is tragic.

Crying scenes:

Gendo: "I'm sorry, Shinji." *water works, big time*

Shinji fading away into nothingness as Kaworu embraces Unit 01 during the apocolypse.

Tumbling Down.

"With the power of imagination, any place can be Heaven, as long as you're alive. The mind is a wonderful and beautiful thing."

Also when Unit 01 interrupts Third Impact as Shinji rejects Instrumentality, or completes it, whichever, and all the Eva units descend onto the baren and dead Earth as the souls of Mankind race towards the Heavens to form the revolving band of consciousness around the Earth.

"Billions of years from now, when the sun, moon, and Earth are all gone, Eva will be the testament. The record left, that Mankind was here."

*wakes up on the shore of the blood sea*

FIN.

When we had the Eva-Thon at the library, I cried more than I ever had before, I think. Seeing it so life sized and huge, loud and powerful made it all the more meaningful. The message was increased ten fold. I only wish now we could show it on the IMax screen. That would be the ultimate experience.

So then Frank left after episodes 25 and 26, and me and John watched some of the commentary. Holy shit, those guys knew every reference to Christianity, Judaism, Babylonian myth, etc etc etc... If you asked them how it effected their lives that would have had a seizure and passed out. Me and John would have made better commentary, and I would like to do that, someday. :D

Then we drove around, got breakfast (it was 6 AM after all) at the New City Diner, then we drove up South Mountain Road and watched the sun come up, sort of. Everything was blue and stylized, just like in Evangelion. The world reborn. I can't describe how it looked, then. If I saw it now, it would not be the same.

I really can't say much more because language is imperfect. I can't communicate my feelings through a godamn keyboard, I can't put my soul into text. Anno is the closest man to ever do that, I believe. Thank you, Anno. I was a child, once.

I understand completely if some people reading this think it sounds fucked up or weird, or like I'm a stupid imbocile who is immature or dorky putting so much weight on a cartoon, but I don't give a flying fuck, for the abovely mentioned, though I do understand. And that's what I learned from Eva. Understanding. Only a handful of people would say it's something I don't do, and I forgive them for it. I understand why they would think that, I understand why I can be seen as a douchebag or a jerk or somebody who does not deserve happiness. I understand, though it is not the way I see. There is a very good chance I am wrong about everything, like so many philosophers have said before me.

I Am, and that is all.

Take care of yourself.

hoju3942 @ 2005-12-27T02:15:00

2005-12-27T07:17:07Z

Me: Ryan man, got some pain killers? I'm not feelin' so hot.

Ryan: Here ya go. *tosses me white pill that looks like aspirin*

Me: *ingest*

Ryan: I didn't know you knew I had vicodin on me.

Me: ?! Shit...

The rest of the night was pretty cool, we got out moderately late, but for the better part of the night my legs were very relaxed, ateehee.

Merry XMas, XMas people!

2005-12-26T17:04:38Z

Woo! Christmas was great this year. Friends, family, but most importantly of all, gaudy presents!

Spoils of War:

Playstation 2:
- Prince of Persia 2: Warrior Within
- Ico
Gamecube:
- Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
- Zelda collection

Books:
- Snow Crash, Neal Stephenson
- Cryptonomicon, Neal Stephenson (thanks Rich for both!)
- The Gormenghast Trilogy, Mervyn Peake (1200+ pages, aaah)
- The Book of Bunny Suicides, heehee

And of course a little bit of gift cards, money, etc... All in all, a good day. Also, my swingin' EVANGELION COMEMORATIVE TIME PIECE.

Christmas Eve was great, though I worked for the better half of it. Which I guess doesn't make it the "better" half, does it? When I got hom, there was a log in the fire, candles everywhere, just such a nice feeling in the air. We watched It's a Wonderful Life, and I got all kinds of teary eyed, and my dad was sobbing like a little school girl, but he always does, hah. He never cries at anything else, I'm proud of him. Hope everybody else had a good holiday!

"You're mistletoe is no match for my T.O.W. missile!"